To the Person I Loved as a Friend and More

To The Person I Loved At The Wrong Time
Just as we say hello, we need to say goodbye.

When I started the process of moving on, I met a guy who changed the path of processing – a part of process – that I didn’t know existed.
Just like any other girl, I was once a product of a unexpected feeling – the feeling of loving someone unexpectedly at the wrong time.

” When I was in my younger version of myself, It was a guy I met a couple of years ago. Back then we were both single, both fresh from a break up. We did not date nor went out for a coffee, instead we spend our time with chats, video calls, and sms, everything was fine and dandy. But as time went on, our lives got much more segmented and we had a bit of a falling out…”

Life as I’m sure you know has a way of getting between people so no matter what would happen to both of us, one of us would end up being with someone and the other one would be single, or we’re try to make it work and then a situation would occur that would make it hard for us to be together.

“… both having fresh wounds, as friends we enjoyed each others presence, we send each other messages, we chat, and spend nights talking over a Skype call. Until, for couple of weeks – I know we felt something that both of us cant even admit to our selves. We were falling. …”

We see it in all the movies. Boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love. And they live happily ever after – roll credits. How wonderful it would be if the world were so simple.

“… Even so (knowing that I am falling), everything went fine, until eventually talking to each other is a norm and it felt like updating each other about our whereabouts (something like a real couple do) is just a regular basis. As days gone by, the feeling of longing and missing is slowly coming in… “

In reality, human beings are emotionally complicated and because we’re so emotionally complicated, we manage to make situations complicated. Even if you do find the right person, if you aren’t the right person you yourself need to be, the relationship will fail.

“… Being a girl is never easy when it comes to admitting feelings, you should always wait for the guy to make a move first always. But what made the situation worst is that we’re friends — We are meant to be just friends.

At times I wonder, if I was the only one who sees that all the laughters, inside jokes, and the sweet nothings is becoming us. Until, it will always hit me hard that its not really good to go into something while you are still healing… but what can I do? We are here, and we’re enjoying it.. “

Relationships don’t only fail because the person you’re with turns out to be the wrong person; they also fail when you yourself aren’t yet the person you need to be. If you aren’t yet capable of being in a loving relationship then the two of you are doomed.

The honest truth is that whether you can admit it to yourself or not, you are not capable of loving – not the way the other person needs to be loved. We should only allow ourselves to settle for one sort of love. The sort of love that is all-consuming, intoxicating, passionate and, at the same time calm, collected, caring and supportive.

” Just when I decided that its time to stop the confusion and give it a try… everything started to change & fall out apart… the communication is slowly loosing its signal.

I received a message, he was making amends with his past. Him and  his past seems like getting along with each other again and as a friend, I know that the right thing to do is to support him and accept that what we have is just a simple buffer, so I did. From then on I realized, that everything was just our escape — we were able to use each others presence as a temporary escape from the pain that were both trying to get rid off. ” 

What do you do when you find the right person, but cannot love that person the way he or she deserves to be loved? If we aren’t willing to make the trade offs then there is really only one thing you can do… you have to let that person go.

Letting a person you love go is the most difficult decision you can make in your life. The worst part is that the longer you are apart, the more you come to realize how difficult it is – the more you realize how much you actually love that person.

” I haven’t seen or spoken to the person I met nearly a decade ago. Even though It’s so damn tempting, for us both, to take the shortcut, to acquiesce to the loopholes that seem so clearly laid out for us. We can let ourselves think things like, “Technically, it can be the right time…” 

But as I said, while I’ve been waiting, I’ve been working. Working on discovering who I am, who I want to be. And who do I want to be? Not an asshole, for starters. Not to anyone, including myself. And not being an asshole means doing the right thing.

I’ve plunged through loopholes before—more than I care to count. And here is what I learned: the right thing is always a doorway unto itself. It’s not necessarily, or typically, easy to walk through, but it always has its own direct path.

 What feels right is not always right.

The task at times is to allow the feeling to be, but to do precisely the opposite. To swim against the tide, to resist the pull towards something or someone that, for one reason or another, is not right for him.”

The right person at the wrong time is wrong for you in a kick ass disguise, reminding us to keep working, to keep moving forward in the right direction. And sometimes we have to move our feet first and wait for the heart to follow. It will follow. I promise.

Love always, (no, not always—just for now. For now it burns hot like a damn inferno but a fire unfed eventually fizzles out.)

~ Wrong (for you, for now, and perhaps, for always)

“So here’s my happy ending, he never knew what I really felt but at least it sets everything to its right places. 

After months of accepting, we are now still good friends, we often talk to each other but we both know that we are good. All good. ;)”

It’s okay because it is a part of life. It’s a learning experience like no other. Some of you will fall in love with the right person to find that it is the right time. But some of you will go through what I go through.

It’s happened to many and will happen to many more. I have to believe that it will happen for me just as you have to believe it will happen for you.

There is no worse way to live life than to live it while giving up on the prospect of love. Love is the only purpose worth living for.

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